went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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