and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
