Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
