Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
