You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
