I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
