so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
