I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize