Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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