I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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