If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
