Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
