im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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