More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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