these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
