So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
