I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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