I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
