I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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