don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
