Your tits are I can't wait for
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
be right there i have to get my cape
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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