it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
