can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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