Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
