she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
