Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
