Your mouth is God's brothel.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
