I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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