Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
