I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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