the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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