420 ftw
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
