i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
