so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
