I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
