My friends, they love my intelligence
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
