names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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