you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
