Say something about gay babies.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
