So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
