My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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