we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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