Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
