Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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