i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
