My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
