i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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