Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
