I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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