your thong is hanging out like whoa
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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