There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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