Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
