I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
