I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
