I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
