Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He? As in you personified your dick?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
