im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
