Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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