we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
