i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
