i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
