Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
