How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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