we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
