Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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