Banned from zoo.
Again?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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