he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
