The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
