we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
