I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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