My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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