Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
