omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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