My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
