I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
